Let me start off by telling you a true and sad story. A prominant family, father running for office, a high school son, star athlete, with a promising future. This family lives here in my community. One day not long ago this boy met a beautiful girl his age online. They began the innocent journey of becoming interested in each other. He was the high school baseball phenom who was already starting to be scouted by top colleges. Their phone-only relationship progressed. Eventually she sent him pictures and then asked for pictures back. He sent them. One day, the father received screenshots of the photos his son had sent. They were explicit in nature. The message came to the father that he had better drop out of office or these photos would go viral.
The father of this young man did not shame his son. He recognized what was happening. He recognized that his son had been groomed. The person on the other end of the conversations was not a beautiful high school aged girl. It was later discovered it was in fact a grown man.
Unfortunately, the shame that overcame this young man was too much for him to bear. Despite his parent’s reassurance, this young man left a note saying he didn’t want to be a burden and wanted his father to be able to run in the upcoming election.
Our community lost a precious young man, his innocence stolen, he life snuffed out, because he was met with forces beyond his emotional capacity to endure. A family has been torn apart. Lives forever changed.
This story is not isolated. I will share another gripping one in an article in this series.
Every parent has given the stranger-danger talk. Most of us got it ourselves: don’t take candy, don’t get in the van. It was decent advice for a world where a stranger had to be *near* your child to reach them.
That world is gone. Today the stranger doesn’t wait by the playground. He joins the game. He’s a teammate with a friendly voice, a fan of the same show, a person in the group chat who really, truly gets it. The van has been replaced by a friend request.
Part 1 of this series looked at how the feed decides what kids see. This one is about something more personal: the tricks used on kids directly, one at a time — and how to make your child the hardest kind of kid to trick.
The tricks are old. Only the location is new.
Manipulation aimed at the young hasn’t changed its toolkit in a hundred years. What’s changed is that it can now reach into a bedroom at 11 p.m. The moves to know:
Flattery first. “You’re so mature for your age.” “Nobody else understands this like you do.” Being singled out feels wonderful — that’s the point. It builds a debt of warmth that comes due later.
Belonging second. An invitation into an “us”: a private server, a smaller group chat, an inside joke. Belonging is one of the deepest hungers of childhood, and it’s routinely used as bait. The problem is never the hobby or the community a kid loves — predators go wherever kids are, and they exploit the hunger, not the pastime.
Secrecy third. “This is just between us.” “Your parents wouldn’t get it.” “Don’t tell anyone we talk.” This is the hinge of every grooming case ever documented. Nothing bad can escalate without secrecy, which is why building it comes before anything else bad happens.
Small asks, then bigger ones. A harmless question, then a personal one, then a photo, then a worse photo; each step small enough to feel like no big deal after the last. The FBI has warned families repeatedly about where this ladder ends: sextortion, where a single image becomes a lever for threats. Reports come in by the thousands every year, and many victims are ordinary, well-loved kids who took one step too many before they understood the game.
Fear last. “If you tell, I’ll send it to everyone.” By this stage the child feels the trap is their own fault. It never is — but shame is what keeps them silent, and silence is what the whole scheme depends on.
Notice: gaming platforms, chat apps, and DMs aren’t the villains here, any more than the park was in 1985. They’re simply where the kids are. The answer isn’t to burn down every place children gather online. It’s to raise kids who recognize the moves.
The three sentences
If your family remembers nothing else from this series, remember these. Teach your kids that anyone — anyone, however long they’ve been kind — who says a version of these has just identified themselves:
1. “Don’t tell your parents.”
2. “This is just between us.”
3. “Send me a picture and I’ll send one back.”
No exceptions, no “but he’s my friend.” Those sentences are the uniform. When someone puts on the uniform, the conversation comes to you.
What a family can do this week
1. Make the promise, out loud: “You will never be in trouble for telling me what happened online.” Say it word for word, and mean it even when what they bring you is scary or embarrassing. Every grooming scheme is built on the bet that your child fears your reaction more than the stranger’s threats. The promise takes that bet away.
2. Teach the three sentences at dinner tonight. Make it a quiz, make it a joke, put it on the fridge — however it sticks. A kid who can name the move is immune to most of them.
3. Know who’s in the room. You know your child’s school friends; learn their online ones the same way. “Who’d you play with tonight?” asked with genuine curiosity, not suspicion, keeps the roster visible.
4. Voice chat with headphones is a private phone call with strangers. Treat it that way, especially for younger kids: common areas, doors open, ages-appropriate settings on.
5. If something has already happened — act, don’t shame. Save the messages, don’t delete anything, and report it: the NCMEC CyberTipline at CyberTipline.org, or the FBI at tips.fbi.gov. If an image is out there, NCMEC’s free Take It Down service (takeitdown.ncmec.org) helps get it removed. Then tell your child the truest thing there is: “This was done to you, you did the right thing by telling, and I am not angry at you. I love you, and you are safe. We are in this together.”
Coming next
The tricks aren’t new. That’s the strange comfort of all this. In Part 3, we look at the receipts: moments in history when whole societies aimed stories at their young, what it cost, and the one protection that has never once failed to matter.
Do one thing today: make the promise at dinner, and teach the three sentences. Ten minutes, and your child is safer than most.
Project Milk Carton is here for the purpose of protecting children and strengthening families through education, awareness, transparency, practical resources, and community action. If this helped, send it to one parent you know — that’s how communities get built.
Thanks for reading. Please send this to your church friends, your neighbors, your community leaders. Anyone who needs to hear it. Let’s get this important information out!
~For the children
Melody Jennings
CEO, Project Milk Carton
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